Navigating Grief During the Festive Season

The ‘festive’ season frames itself as a time of great joy and light. But for those who struggle to feel it, this article is for you. Grief, unfortunately, doesn’t take a seasonal break, it may even get a lot harder to cope around this time, especially when there aren't the usual commitments of the daily routine to attend to and be distracted by.

In this article, we take a look at practical approaches toward grief in the festive season. These suggestions are yours to explore, and a reminder that, this season, whatever that looks like for you, it’s enough.

Number one on the list is self-compassion. Yes, Christmas and many other seasonal holidays can feel like a chaotic time, running around and preparing, perhaps spending a large amount of effort caring for others. But remember yourself in all of this.

Grief isn’t neat, nor is it predictable. It may be difficult to comprehend, but there is rarely a linear structure to healing. Some moments you may feel buried under sadness, and in others, a flicker of joy or hope might catch you completely off guard.

You need the mental space to allow yourself to ride those waves without judgement. Write down your thoughts, talk to someone you trust, or even take a quiet moment for yourself away from the celebrations to reflect in a way that feels meaningful. You don’t need to pretend everything is okay; it’s perfectly okay to be exactly where you are right now.

Rituals make up a big part of our seasonal festivities. Some of them you may not even register as traditions, until they are no longer part of the ‘festive routine’. For some, of course, maintaining those traditions could bring a great deal of comfort. For others, these old habits may not be so helpful on their journeys, it may be time to let go.

Everyone experiences emotional comfort or discomfort in different ways, so comparison to others who have been through similar experiences is not the way forward. In order to tune into your personal needs, it might take something deeper than just a knee jerk reaction.

If it applies to you, perhaps start something new that feels more fitting, like creating a small tribute to your loved one, preparing their favourite dish, or simply taking a quiet evening for yourself. Traditions should exist purely to serve the heart, not burden it.

You have probably heard this one before. Maybe you are sick of saying it to yourself already. But, it's true. Overburdening yourself with the stress of a ‘speedy recovery’ is unnecessary and may only turn out to pile onto the additional societal pressures that the festive season brings.

Some days, you might feel strong enough to join a gathering and express yourself in ways that feel freeing. Other days, staying in with a good book or a comforting movie may be the best choice. Rest when rest is needed and keep plans flexible in order to focus on what feels manageable in the moment. 

Here are some more practical suggestions for grief tailored specifically for the festive season.

1. Speak your truth
   Don’t be afraid to share with friends or family how you’re really feeling. It sets the tone for a more supportive atmosphere and relieves any pressure to fake it.

2. Simplify and settle
   Skip the parties or gatherings if they feel a bit too much. Paring things back, you can maybe just invite a few people around for a small dinner or a quiet walk. If needed, do what it takes to make the season feel less daunting for you, and those around you.

3. Stay connected
   Light a candle, share a story, or place a keepsake in your home. These gestures may be small, but they can carry immense meaning. Connection to others is also super important for your own wellbeing and that of those who may also be affected by the situation.

4. Prioritise rest and wellbeing
   Sleep, eat, rest, and move in ways that support your body and mind. The basics can often feel completely impossible during the lows of grief, but really are the foundation for holding yourself together, on a physiological level.

5. Step outside
   Winter’s quiet magic offers solace during grief. A walk among bare trees or gathering pine cones connects you to nature’s cycles of rest and renewal. Breathe the crisp air and let it ground you. It may even remind you of life’s enduring rhythms.

6. Say no, without any guilt
   If you simply don’t have the energy for holiday plans, say no. The people who care for you will understand, and if they don’t, that’s okay too. But do evaluate if this is the right choice for you — isolating yourself may only be helpful in some contexts.

7. Create space for gratitude
   Finding small moments of peace. Think about preparing a favourite hot drink, the comfort of a blanket, or the kindness of a friend, all these small things can help balance the heaviness of seasonal grief. Gratitude journaling can also be a great way to relieve the mind of negative habitual thought processes.

The festive season presents to us a pause, it is a pause in the season of midwinter, a time for slowing down and reflecting. This can be particularly difficult if things are different for you this year, or of recent years, or even years long since past. Yet, it's so important to remind yourself that there’s no “right” way to feel or celebrate. This season is yours to use to heal in a way that feels right for you.

Here is a reminder that seeking professional help, such as counselling or therapy, can be a valuable step towards healing. Don’t think of therapy as a last resort, this proactive, and healthy process allows you to process emotions in a safe space, to be heard and to find your unique tools for coping. Therapy, in whatever form you may choose, is for everyone, at any stage of life or grief. 

For additional resources and insights on seasonal grief, visit the British Psychological Society's website .