How To Increase Libido In Women (Without Forcing It)

Valentine’s Day has a way of turning libido into a talking point… whether you’re feeling it or faking it. If your sex drive has gone quiet lately, you’re not broken. You’re likely under-rested, overstimulated or hormonally out of sync.

Low libido in women isn’t a personality flaw. It’s physiology. Desire is shaped by your hormones, brain chemistry, stress load, sleep quality, blood sugar stability and whether your nervous system feels safe enough to switch out of survival mode. When cortisol is high, sleep is low and your mental tabs are permanently open, libido is usually the first thing to disappear… not because something’s wrong, but because your body is prioritising something else.

The problem is, most advice still treats libido like a switch you can flip. Try harder. Be sexier. Spice things up. But if what you actually need is nervous system regulation, hormone support, or more sleep, those tips miss the point.

Here we’re getting specific. With Intimacy Coach April Maria’s expert guidance, we’re unpacking what causes low libido in women, what the evidence says about increasing sex drive naturally and which things are genuinely worth your time. 

What drives libido in women and why sex drive isn’t always the right phrase

If you’re wondering how to increase libido in women, it helps to start by ditching the idea that libido is a fixed drive you either have or don’t. April explains why this language can backfire. “When we talk about ‘libido,’ it can be helpful to remove the word drive or ‘sex drive.’ Why? because a drive implies that sex should be something urgent and biologically pressing, like hunger.” That framing makes low desire feel like failure, when it’s often just your body responding intelligently to context.

April is also clear that sexuality doesn’t always behave like a spontaneous urge, especially for women. “The phrase 'sex drive' implies that it is an essential urge, but sexuality rarely works that way, especially for women,” she says. “In fact, desire is often highly responsive to context, and factors such as emotional safety, hormones, connection, touch, relationship quality and wellbeing influence our ability to access it.” In other words, if you’re wondering why your libido is low, the answer is often less about what’s wrong and more about what may have changed. 

That’s why April reframes the story many women tell themselves. “So when women feel they ‘lack a sex drive,’ it’s not that the engine is broken, but in fact it can be a combination of unmet emotional, physical, or relational needs.” 

Desire vs arousal: Why low libido can feel confusing but totally normal

A lot of libido anxiety comes from expecting desire to arrive first, perfectly timed. Real life is much messier. April says one of the most helpful distinctions is understanding desire versus arousal. “When I speak with my clients, I find it supportive to help them distinguish between desire and arousal, as a person may have arousal before they have desire or desire without arousal,” she explains. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not in the mood, but once we start it’s good” or the reverse… you’re not unusual, you’re human.

“Desire is the mental or emotional interest in sex, while arousal is the body’s physiological response, such as genital sensation and lubrication,” says April. Sometimes your body responds first or sometimes your mind does. Both can be healthy. The issue is that our culture sells one story with instant desire and no warm up. “It's important to remember that whatever comes first is normal and healthy, yet often misunderstood in a culture that prioritises spontaneous desire that shows up instantly, with or without stimulation.” For many women, libido improves when the pressure to be “spontaneous” disappears.

The biology of libido in women: hormones, brain chemistry and stress

If your libido seems to change across your cycle, after having a baby, or during perimenopause, it’s not random or in your head. April explains that desire is shaped by both hormones and brain chemistry. “Biologically, our libido is impacted by a complex mix of hormones like oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone, as well as brain chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin.” Think of these as your body’s internal messaging system, influencing everything from energy and mood to bonding, sensitivity and how rewarding intimacy feels.

The key point is that these signals are constantly shifting. “All of these hormones fluctuate at different points in our cycle and in our lives, in turn, affecting desire,” April says. That’s why low libido during perimenopause, postpartum low libido, and libido dips during high-stress periods are so common because your internal environment is changing.

Your hormones are only part of the story. “As well as that, desire can be heavily shaped by stress, mood, body image, and even past experiences,” April adds. Which is why the best answer to how to increase libido in women is rarely one magic fix. It’s usually a whole-system reset that involves supporting sleep, stress, emotional safety and nervous system regulation so your body actually has the capacity for desire again.

What causes low libido in women? The most common reasons

Low libido in women is rarely about “not loving your partner enough” or “not trying hard enough.” April Maria sees this on repeat: “There are several reasons a woman may be experiencing a lack of interest in sex or intimacy, be it with themselves or within their relationships. It can be really frustrating to experience this, especially if intimacy and sex play a crucial role in supporting your overall health and wellbeing.” If you’re asking what causes low sex drive in women, these are some of the most common reasons and they often overlap.

• Stress and burnout: “Life stressors such as work, family or financial worries.” When your nervous system is overloaded, desire often drops because your body is prioritising safety and survival.

• Medication, drugs, or alcohol: “Medication, drugs or alcohol use can affect hormone levels.” If libido changed after a new prescription, it’s worth discussing alternatives or adjustments with your healthcare provider.

• Body image and confidence: “Body image, pregnancy, confidence and even how we feel about our genitalia can impact our libido.” Libido tends to rise when you feel more at home in your body.

• Hormonal shifts: “Hormonal changes such as our cycle, perimenopause, and menopause can impact our physical and biological experience of libido, affecting everything from energy and mood to lubrication, sensitivity, and how easily we feel desire.” This is a big one for low libido in perimenopause and menopause.

• Pain or discomfort: “Sexual pain or discomfort can create a fear of exploring sex again. If it feels painful or uncomfortable, it may be safer to avoid it.” Pain is never something to push through; it’s a cue to seek support.

• Relationship dynamics: “Relationship issues such as mismatched libidos, conflict, emotional safety and interests in what sex looks like can cause low desire for sex.” Emotional safety isn’t a nice-to-have; it’s a libido prerequisite.

• Beliefs and conditioning: “Sexual beliefs, gender beliefs, culture, religion or what it means to be a woman and the purpose of sex, can play a role in how we feel about it.” The stories you inherited about sex can shape what feels possible now.

• Trauma and nervous system protection: “Previous trauma can impact how safe we feel. If our nervous system is on high alert, desire often hides.” If this resonates, gentle, trauma-informed support can be life-changing.

Can you increase libido naturally?

Yes, but not by forcing it. April’s advice starts with removing performance pressure and getting curious about what’s in the way. “Instead of trying to ‘increase’ your libido, I’d encourage you to try to understand what feels in the way right now,” April says, “alongside making natural changes to things like diet, movement, speaking with your healthcare provider about current medication, and even exploring your relationship with yourself or your partner with a professional.” In other words, “natural” isn’t about chasing a quick fix, it’s about supporting the root cause so desire has the space to come back on its own.

Pressure is the thing that quietly kills desire, even when everything else seems fine. “Trying to increase your libido without addressing what's going on for you mentally or physically might create pressure to perform and when life inevitably gets busy or stressful, it can feel like the goalposts keep moving,” says April. That’s why she recommends a softer, more sustainable approach. “Curiosity and compassion tend to be far more supportive than trying to achieve more when it comes to sex.” Libido doesn’t respond well to being treated like a KPI.

And if you’ve been stuck in the cultural noise of needing to have more sex, more often, more enthusiastically, April offers a better goal that focuses on exploring having sex that feels good. More isn’t always better. Better is better.

What actually helps increase sex drive in women

Start by supporting the fundamentals that make desire possible. These are things like sleep, stress regulation, blood sugar stability, hormone support where needed and physical comfort (including addressing dryness or pain). These aren’t “unsexy” basics, they’re the biological groundwork for pleasure.

April also reminds us that libido isn’t just about the body. “While what we eat, how we care for our bodies in terms of sleep, stress and pain management, and even our hormones levels, are all vital for better health and wellbeing even when it comes to sex, it's also important to explore how you feel mentally about sex, how your body is responding to it and even how you think about it within your relationship.” If you ignore the emotional and relational parts, you’re ignoring a big piece of the puzzle.

For some women, what helps most is reducing the “always on” lifestyle that keeps their nervous system wired. For others, it’s rebuilding emotional safety with their partner, addressing resentment or disconnection, or redefining intimacy so it isn’t always a fast track to intercourse. For others, it’s checking thyroid function, iron levels, sex hormones or perimenopausal shifts. The goal is the same though… create the conditions where desire can return, instead of demanding it.

Supplements for female libido: what’s worth it and what’s mostly marketing

Search best supplements for female libido and, like with most things, you’ll find a lot of confident claims. April says to start with what your body actually needs. “I would focus more on stress management, checking your hormone levels with your doctor and exploring your nutrition to better support your overall health and wellbeing,” she says. Supplements can help, but the best results come when they’re supporting a clear need, not a vague hope.

If libido changes are paired with fatigue, cycle changes, sleep disruption, anxiety, low mood, or perimenopausal symptoms, she recommends starting with proper support. “Speaking with a healthcare provider about checking your overall health can be a reassuring place to start, especially if stress, a hormonal imbalance, thyroid, perimenopause or menopause are contributing to a lower interest in sex,” she says. That’s how you make supplements evidence-led rather than marketing-led… you don’t guess, you investigate.

The biggest misconception about libido

One of the fastest ways to tank libido is comparing your sex life to what you think it should look like. “I wish more women knew that if your sex life doesn’t look like what we see on TV and in films, that’s completely normal,” says April. “What we’re shown is entertainment, not a realistic reflection of how desire actually works in real life.” Real desire is shaped by real life, not a scriptwriter’s fantasy.

“There is no normal amount of sex you should be having, and your libido will look different to everyone else.” That matters, because so many women label themselves broken when their libido fluctuates. “I speak with women all the time who constantly refer to their bodies as ‘broken’ if they don’t want sex as much as their partner or if their libido fluctuates from month to month or even feels like it's non-existent,” April says. But libido is context-dependent, not character-defining. “Desire is far more complex and context-dependent than most of us were ever taught; it’s shaped by stress, hormones, relationships, and how safe and connected we feel in our bodies.”

How to actually increase libido in women: Expert top tips

If your libido has gone quiet, you don’t need to panic or perform. Low libido in women is often a sign that your body is under strain. The goal isn’t to make yourself want sex, it’s to create the conditions where desire can return naturally. Here are some practical and tangible places to start:

• Protect your sleep like it’s part of your libido plan. Aim for consistent bed and wake times, and prioritise wind-down time so your nervous system actually gets the message it’s safe to rest.

• Lower your stress load in small, real ways. Think short walks, breathwork, a phone-free ten minutes, or anything that brings you out of “on” mode. Libido struggles in survival mode.

• Stabilise blood sugar to support energy and mood. Build meals around protein, fibre and healthy fats, and avoid running on caffeine and chaos (tempting, but not libido-friendly).

• Check in on hormones if things feel noticeably different. If you’re experiencing symptoms alongside low desire (like fatigue, cycle changes, mood shifts, vaginal dryness) speak to a healthcare provider about hormone and thyroid support.

• Don’t ignore pain or discomfort during sex. Pain isn’t something to push through. If sex feels uncomfortable, address the cause first (it’s one of the fastest ways to rebuild safety in the body).

• Make intimacy lower pressure. Take “sex” off the table sometimes and focus on connection, touch and closeness without a goal. Desire often returns when it’s not being demanded.

• Have an honest conversation about what you actually want. If you’re partnered, talk about needs, boundaries, timing and what feels good now… not what used to work.

• Get support if you feel stuck. A coach or therapist can help unpack emotional blocks, relationship dynamics, or past experiences that may be quietly switching desire off.

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